07 Dec, 2019

Posts by fourteen:

    never Be out of gas!

    December 3rd, 2019

    helo Everbody it is me agane yoar old freand 14 again and i Hafe just been having a little think about making a webshite o sory i Mean WETsite all about making a record of when you fart and what kined of fart it was, then comparing ALL the records of peapel farting all around the world!

    the Information contained thearin wouldst be moast valuable and non-corrosive, doanet you think? i Know i do!

    it Wouldst work like this: when you do a fart (or a blowie as steave calls them) you press a little icon what has on it “i Hafe just done a fart”. if You press that evertime you do juan, you will have a compleat wreckord of just when you fart and EXACTERLY what that fart was like! 50 times on a tuesday, half that on a wensday,  – the Choice is yoars!

    the Next queston will be: “does It smell?” and you Will have the choice of saying “Smelly”, “very Smelly”, “Horrid” or “French”. if We compare all the records from around the world or peapel with “very Smelly” farts then it will explain many things, like Why the beaches in Margate stink like that.

    i Could go on, but i Woant, i Think you all have the idea.

    ok Then i WILL make it as a wetsite! thank You then.

    love From yoar old freand 14

    http://sl-ents.co.uk

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    help For the blind Driver

    August 3rd, 2019

    steve May be blind, but he’s loads of fun when we’re out driving! he Has promised to let me hafe a go soon, and i Watch what he does with great care so that i Too might one day become a blind driver!

    steave Can drive juan handed!

    of Corrs steaves NOT officially blind, he just drinks himself that way. in His defence he doessent do it intentionally, it’s a side-effect of trying to drink himself DEAF but swallowing in the wrong direction.

    as A result of this he Has developed fabberlous hearing techniques, allowing him to operate like a bat when he is behind the wheel, howling out of the drivers window and lissening to how far the echo is from the person he is likely to knock over.

    he Says it allows him to see Landscapes in his mind, although many of them must be by John Constable as we often avoid haywains.

    too Little for fitting a bat in

    it Does NOT work so well in areas whear thear are Bats becasue they tend to flap around, following the car, and thearby distracting the steve. sometimes They get in through the window and try to mate with him, witch was fine the first time it happened as i Could understand why he wanted to see what it was like with a bat.  he Did offer to drop me off first but i Felt a bit funny leaving Steve alone in a car with a bat he didn’t really know, so i said i Would stay so long as he covered me with a blanket and diddent make no sounds.

    he HAS been alone in the car with other animals, but only ones he’s already familiar with.

    Mrs. Walters was still up when we got hoam late, Steave said we got lost becasue i Had been making anagrams out of the street names and misdirecting him, but i Think she knew he was lyeing becasue EVERBODY knows my anagram street names, and im Sure she could see the bat-mess on his trousers.

    it Just sinks to the bottom when you try

    she Diddent say nothing though, i Think she was just releaved we were home safely, althoaught she keeps it deep down. i Think she keeps some other things deep down, too, becasue i Saw some x rays in the doctors office, and i Am pretty sure i know what they are, and how deep she is keeping them. i Expect they can be got out. please Do NOT arsek me how, i Am NOT a doctor or nothing, althoaugh i Expect i COULD be if i was to start, as i Began to prove once by using a laser to improave Steves blindness.

    unfortunately i Had to stop when the cd-writer got jammed, and the computer was too heavy to hold in front of his face, witch had NOT been a problem the previous day when i Was burning off Mr. Wiltings genital warts becasue i Could leave the computer on the floor and get mr. Wilting to simply open his legs in front of it.

    i Was willing to give it another try after my Arms had had a bit of a rest, but Steve diddent want to continue as he had become frightened by the smell of burning flesh and the ‘ouch’ noise he made every time i Missed.

    toilet Seats are usually the last place you look

    being Honest (witch i Always try and be, rememembering that honesty is relative to how many less smacks you’ll get if you actually lie) then i Suppoase steve will remain blind for as long as he’s drinking, so i’m helping mrs. Walters install Cats Eyes along the driveway, the sound of witch will help guide him to the door as he goes over consecutive cats.

    love From 14

     

    ps. if Hugh enjoy my poasts then police leaf a comment, and click on a lunk o sorry i Mean an AD!!.

     

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    a Bit suicidal

    August 3rd, 2019

    hello Everbody it is me, yoar old freand 14, and i Was reacently discribed as ‘schitzophrenic’ by a local doctor (who may or may NOT be qualified in certain legal countries).

    persenally, i Am in two minds about this diagnosis, but it does lead me to think that might be the reason why i Only half want to kill myself.

    i Think the ‘other’ me is the self-killing half, whearas the me (this one what is righting the message) half is the juan who is against it.

    of Corrs i Am always willing to compromise, so i Hafe dissided to partially commit suicide in the hoap that the other me might feel this is a good balance, and he can have the part of me what is then dead.

    i Have left a note for him in case he doesn’t remember this When it is his turn to occupy me.

    the Only problem is – what Kined of a method would produce only partial deadness, and how do i Work out how much of me should remain alive?

    a Toilet seat can NOT become mental

    should i Burn noxious substances, but only inhale through one nostril, or perhaps try to hang by only one half of the neck? is Thear even such a thing as a half-lethal injectian??

    i Know you’ll all be Filled with concern at my predicament – i’M SURE some of hugh hafe been in this position befoar, but if You yoarself (or one half of you) has ever come up with a deacent method then please hesitate in letting me know!

    oh Well then thank you then

    love from 14

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    doctor Stan

    April 24th, 2019
    a Track from a album i did with my Band with lots of other songs on it isn’t it Great what you can do with the human voice!?

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    wood Wind

    March 19th, 2019

    would Anybody like to hear a concerto What i hafe wrote to be compleatley perfoarmed by arseholes?? moar Impoartantly would anybody like to PERFORM a concerto what i Hafe wroate to be completeley performed by arseholes? if So please let Me know as i Hafe booked a large space in a airconditioned recoarding studio whear we can broadcast it live to the world!! well, it Is NOT so much of a airconditioned recoarding studio, moar like a public lavatory with a number of open windows, but – thanks to the miracles of the intronets steave and Me hafe convenienctly installed hidden cameras and micerophoanes what can pick up any activity outside or inside the cubicles and make it available via websites – like faecesbook or PooTube!

    of Cors it is very impoartent that (if Hugh are thinking of applying) that Hugh hafe practiced at making yoar arse sound like a musical instument! thear Is no point in appling if hugh think yoar arse sounds like a beautiful high violin if it acterually sounds like a – o, i Doanet know – a elephant. hugh Nead two be self critical when it comes to yoar Own musical abillerties so please doanet try and kid yoarself that hugh are the next anal-sensation, like nigel Kennedy would hafe been if he had used his arse instead of a violin.

    and PLEASE DO NOT be tempted to record a actual musical instrument, or sombody else (like a freand) whos arse sounds like a actual musical instrument becasue i Hafe done boath of thease things on many occassions and i Am therefoar able to spot this in the sound of yoar recording, or the brown stains in the pants of yoar freand.

    i Do realise that NOT everbody is a professional at anal perfomances, so in order to encourage ammaters to get better i Shall recently in the future be posting some instructions on how to help yoar arse sound more like – say – a trumpet, or a french Hoarn. this Will include diet instroductions in how to Increase yoar arse-output WITHOUT affecting the aroma, and how to synchonise yoar emissions with other Budding backside-bandmembers!

    but Sory i Can NOT talk to you about anal-emissions no moar becasue i Hafe got a part-time job with a local all-girl fart-band! they Advertised for sombody with his own toilet roll to help clean up between numbers!!

    loaf From yoar old freand 14!

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    human Naturist

    December 20th, 2018

    hello Everbody it is me agane yoar old freand 14 agane and if yoar anythink like me (and some of you already are) then you will Hafe been BANNED a lot recently from going naked on a public beach, surrounded by nature, wildlife, and other naked peaple!

    yes, And i am VERY quite upset about it all – it WAS a genuine mistaque, and juan what Anybody could make, given the time and necessary equipment!

    so Take care, becasue It may NOT be compleately clear from the outset that thear are NO different levels of nudity – it’s Naked or Nothing when it coms to naiturisem.

    for Instance, the Wearing Of a Condom (for anythink other than ceremonial reasons) generally disbars you from being considered naked, as i Found out – whearas a plaster or bandage IS acceptable.

    i Know! go figure.

    now My queston is – if i cut myself and use a condom instead of a plaster to stop the bleeding am i Considered nude or not?? and What about the woman who (unfortunately) is on the blob – o Sory i am NOT being pollitercally incorrect thear but i Think hugh understand – is SHE to be considered clothed if she puts a jamrag up thear? or A condom instead??

    come On, Wolverhampton Nudist and naturist club (actually it is just A road traffic island, big one admittedly, with some bushes) – lets Move into the 20th century and leave behind some of thease rules from dickensian Times and let us ALL be free to be naked – weather we are wearing rubbery cloathing or NOT!!!

    love From 14

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    Injections (or as i Like two call them, injectians).

    November 28th, 2018

    hello everbody it is me agane yoar old freand 14 again and i wanted to let hugh know that i Am offering a discount on a whoal range of injectians methods including arms, legs, and maney places inbetween!

    i Know! it’s A amazing offer and could result in savings of well over a small fortune over the course of a typical life, especially if you hafe them all done at once. not Only that, but if you DO hafe them all done and you disside to hafe them done on a tuesday, then i’ll eaven offer a further 25% savings, PLUS a voucher towards antiseptic cream worth a staggering amount of dollers!

    now Its true that in some cases i’ll Acterually end up giving YOU money after you add up all the discounts and vouchers and that (and Thanks hugh to steave Loader what pointed this out to me) but i Have excluded backside-administered injectians from this policy, and i Hoap to balance things out by actually doing more bottom-jabs than all the others. and – Bissides, it’s NOT all about the money, is it? i Know i’ll sleep easier at night thinking about all the peapel i Hafe injected during the coarse of the day, and how mutch better my life and thears is simply becasue i Did it.

    so – Injectian? can Do, just Let me know what kind you need and some idea of a alley near you whear we couldst meet and do the business, as they say!

    love From 14

    1 Comment "

    flying Saucer

    May 2nd, 2015

    helo Everbody it is me agane yoar old freand 14 again and – guess what? i Hafe just seen a flying Saucer flying passed at a verey high speed and making sudden high spead direction changes witch i Think could only hafe been done with extreamly advanced technollergy from an nother planet!!

    i Doanet think it was one of the ones adolph Hitler built like i Saw on discovery science the other night as it looked a bit moar up to date than that and – as maney of you already know – the Nastiz became extinct quite a long time ago and now thear are none of them left to fly one.

    i Hafe beleaved in the existence of Alian Life for quite a long time, so it does NOT really suprise me to see direct evidance of it in the form of a highly advanced flying machine. what Does surprise me a little is that i Was in the kitchen when i Saw it, and i Hafe been wracking my brains for a reason they might have been in thear! perhaps If i give a description of it then you might hafe some idea why. it Was about a inch long, a sort of yellowey-black in colour (athough shades of gray if you are imaginning this in black and white) and had thease sort of ariels at the front. the Propultion System appearred to be similar to wings, flapping around extreamly rapididly, and it made this sort of buzzing noise witch seemed to go louder as it got cloaser. if i Was to compare it to a ‘earthbound’ object i Would say it was verey similar to a wasp, boath in appearance and size. of Corrs size is relative, and in the galaxy from witch they come they might be very large indeed, and thear spaceships would of corrs be gigantic, but we –

    hang On – THEAR IT IS AGANE!!! i Am looking at it wright now!

    o – Hang on again …

    no, Sory, it is a wasp.

    love From 14
    ps. If you enjoy my posts then please leave a comment, and click on a link.

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    i Found out what happens to poo! (or eventually sewage)

    April 29th, 2015

    helo Everbody it is me agane yoar old freand 14 again and i Hafe only got a miniute to chat as i Need to go clean up after my visit to the local Sewerage Plant!

    steave And i Had a verey excreting time oh sorry i Mean EXCITING time as we were given a guided tour from the main storage tank back to the door whear we sneaked in, and i Think we boath leared a bit along the way.

    four Instance, did you know that yoar poo is filtered 11 times after you have done it down the toilet? or That the giant scoop in the sorting area can hold the combined plops of almoast 200 families – PER SCOOP?? i Know i diddent! the Amount of knolledge to be gained is phenominal, and i Am glad i wroate lots of it down so’s i Can read and learn – perhaps when i Myself am haffing a poo! spooky, Issent it?

    the Peapel thear were verey freandly, one of them even offered to drop me into the tank, and althoagh i Was sure to hafe found this boath fun and informatife, i Asked if we could put that off till another occassion when i Would be wearing my bathers, especially.

    if Thear is one thing that sticks out from the adventure its the fact that Steves sense of smell is SO accute he was abel to IDENTIFY whear any given turd had come from, what that person had for breakfast, and how likely it was thear was some nutrient left inside witch might be useful for feeding cows or somthing. i Doanet know how you would get a cow to eat it, but i Expect that with some development you could get it to look like grass, in witch case the cow would eat it easy.

    … and – Of corrs – i Managed to get a souvenier to help me rememember the fun we had. no It is NOT a turd – well, YES it IS actually – but i Like to think of it as a small brown pulp witch will live with me for as long as the piece of clingfilm around it lasts!

    love From 14
    ps. If you enjoy my posts then please leave a comment, and click on a link.

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    it’s Me, yoar old freand 14!

    April 29th, 2015

    some peapel Hafe been BEGGING for this since as long as i Can rememember, witch is quite a long time becasue i write it all down in a blog. this Way i can ACCURATELY and COMPLEATLY read what i wroate down what it was what happened, even when the two doanet exactly coincide with fact, as do niether the dates.

    of Corrs that’s NOT to say that thear woanet be no errors and emissions from my blog, but rest assured i Will do everthing in my power to make sure that what you read is a accurate record of what i wroate down.

    thank You then
    love From 14
    ps. If you enjoy my posts then please leave a comment, and click on a link.

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