help For the blind Driver

steve May be blind, but he’s loads of fun when we’re out driving! he Has promised to let me hafe a go soon, and i Watch what he does with great care so that i Too might one day become a blind driver!

steave Can drive juan handed!

of Corrs steaves NOT officially blind, he just drinks himself that way. in His defence he doessent do it intentionally, it’s a side-effect of trying to drink himself DEAF but swallowing in the wrong direction.

as A result of this he Has developed fabberlous hearing techniques, allowing him to operate like a bat when he is behind the wheel, howling out of the drivers window and lissening to how far the echo is from the person he is likely to knock over.

he Says it allows him to see Landscapes in his mind, although many of them must be by John Constable as we often avoid haywains.

too Little for fitting a bat in

it Does NOT work so well in areas whear thear are Bats becasue they tend to flap around, following the car, and thearby distracting the steve. sometimes They get in through the window and try to mate with him, witch was fine the first time it happened as i Could understand why he wanted to see what it was like with a bat.  he Did offer to drop me off first but i Felt a bit funny leaving Steve alone in a car with a bat he didn’t really know, so i said i Would stay so long as he covered me with a blanket and diddent make no sounds.

he HAS been alone in the car with other animals, but only ones he’s already familiar with.

Mrs. Walters was still up when we got hoam late, Steave said we got lost becasue i Had been making anagrams out of the street names and misdirecting him, but i Think she knew he was lyeing becasue EVERBODY knows my anagram street names, and im Sure she could see the bat-mess on his trousers.

it Just sinks to the bottom when you try

she Diddent say nothing though, i Think she was just releaved we were home safely, althoaught she keeps it deep down. i Think she keeps some other things deep down, too, becasue i Saw some x rays in the doctors office, and i Am pretty sure i know what they are, and how deep she is keeping them. i Expect they can be got out. please Do NOT arsek me how, i Am NOT a doctor or nothing, althoaugh i Expect i COULD be if i was to start, as i Began to prove once by using a laser to improave Steves blindness.

unfortunately i Had to stop when the cd-writer got jammed, and the computer was too heavy to hold in front of his face, witch had NOT been a problem the previous day when i Was burning off Mr. Wiltings genital warts becasue i Could leave the computer on the floor and get mr. Wilting to simply open his legs in front of it.

i Was willing to give it another try after my Arms had had a bit of a rest, but Steve diddent want to continue as he had become frightened by the smell of burning flesh and the ‘ouch’ noise he made every time i Missed.

toilet Seats are usually the last place you look

being Honest (witch i Always try and be, rememembering that honesty is relative to how many less smacks you’ll get if you actually lie) then i Suppoase steve will remain blind for as long as he’s drinking, so i’m helping mrs. Walters install Cats Eyes along the driveway, the sound of witch will help guide him to the door as he goes over consecutive cats.

love From 14


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